Failed marriages have been estimated at over 70% worldwide. Not a very encouraging statistic is it? But people are seemingly unperturbed and are marching down the aisle regardless!
So why are couples so readily prepared to become yet another failed marriages statistic?
The dynamic between couples can be divided into several categories, the more predominant of which are listed here:-
No. 1) HEAD IN THE SAND.
Amazingly some couples do not even think about the possibility of their marriage ending in divorce and quite understandably are completely shocked when they find themselves in the failed marriages ‘hall of fame’. These are the people who think a marriage should just ‘happen’ and that they needn’t have to do any work at all! It’s the typical “if I don’t acknowledge it, it won’t happen” type of thinking that doesn’t get anybody anywhere they really want to be.
THERE IS A SOLUTION:-
Take your head out of the sand and get up to speed. How? Well, start by asking each other and yourself some really big ‘quality’ questions and really get to know each other. Be prepared to be shocked and amazed but also encouraged and surprised!
No. 2) GO WITH THE FLOW.
Other couples are scared to challenge one another in case it upsets their relationship, so they agree with each other if at all possible or say nothing! Now in the short term this appears to work as each one thinks they are compatible with the other. In the long run they are definitely heading for the failed marriages heap, people can only keep quiet for so long, ‘the truth will out’, causing all sorts of very unpleasant interactions. THERE IS A SOLUTION HERE TOO:-
Don’t be a yes man/woman.
Honour your own and your partners views (when you find out what they are!). You really can have different views and still be compatible and stay married! Of course if most of your views differ you will have problems and need to ask yourselves why you got together in the first place!
No. 3) JUST BE YOURSELF.
Many relationships are inhabited by two very straightforward no-holds-barred types. They believe that if they just let it all out, tell it as it is, their partners will get to know who they really are much quicker and they will find it easier to accept them – warts and all. WRONG! These are definitely failed marriages – even if the couple stay together they generally have failed. They tend to fight regularly and verbally abuse one another and look for opportunities to exact their revenge. This is not a relationship but more of a war zone! THIS CAN BE AVOIDED:-
Think before speaking, endeavor to communicate with love. Be tender with your partner, remember it is not a match, a competition or a battle! If even one of you changes your method of communication, it will completely alter the dynamic between you both and usually the other person follows suit – but not always. Remember – the names you call your partner is what they eventually become for you. So consider carefully before you speak who it is exactly you want to be married to and avoid being another failed marriages statistic.
No. 4) DO AS YOU ARE TOLD.
Some marriages have an unbalanced set-up where one person is the boss and the other is basically an ‘employee’. Now the boss is usually the happiest as he/she gets their own way all the time. The employee fulfills the boss’ desires and often the only reward is the feeling that they are doing a good job, which gives them some form of happiness. But obviously (to people with more self-respect), this is not a loving marriage and is destined to join the long list of failed marriages. THIS IS AVOIDABLE TOO:-
At all cost avoid thinking that you are in love with a tyrant. If you want to be controlled then you have ‘lost’ part of yourself and you need to get that back before you embark on the journey of a marriage. A marriage is a union of equal parties – if you were equal to your partner in this particular scenario , you would be getting your way around 50% of the time. Start using the work ‘no’ and if you find you are reticent to do so or fear your partners reaction, I would suggest you get some outside help.
My area of interest and expertise is relationship psychology. To find out if your relationship is toxic or why couples fight and what can be done about it, how to keep a woman happy or what the real point of a relationship ship is, please visit my website at http://savemyrelationshiprules.com. You will find a variety of free comprehensive advice and information there for you.
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